Aadat — Reminiscing Melodies
9.27 pm, 28th July 2021
Evenings are so serene yet filled with grief. They are nothing but a replica of you.
After a hectic-monotonous day at work, my body seeks home, my mind wants to rest, and my heart finds you. It’s annoying and beautiful that even after more than 500 days, I admire you the same way each day without fail. I wonder if you’d ever read these musings of mine and acknowledge this artwork of heartbreak, helplessness, undying love, and reminiscence.
After I freshen up, the mindless scrolling on my phone leads me to this beautiful song- Aadat by Atif Aslam. I love Atif. His songs are so soothing, connects souls, and quench the thirst of longing lovers. His voice brings life to the lyrics and does justice with them. While I adore his skills, the song begins to play, and chills run down my spine. My eyes fill with salty water, and I fall short of breath.
Juda hoke bhi,
Tu mujh mein kahin baaki hai
Palkon mein ban ke aason
Tu chali aati hai
Juda hoke bhi
How could someone be so precise in giving words to my emotions? Your smell, your touch, your smile, you — all are with me, forever. Only if I could press alt+del and get them out of my server. Sigh. There’s a part of you always in me, in what I am and what I am becoming. I have always been grateful to have you as a part of my life, but each evening leaves me with doubt and skepticism.
Aise zinda hun aye zindagi bin tere main
Dard hi dard baaki raha hai seene mein
Saans lena bhar hi yahaan, jeena nahin hai
Ab toh aadat si hai mujhko aise jeenein mein
Life is redundant, and so are the memories of you. I get tired of missing you, but my heart doesn’t. The constant hollow feeling after we parted ways seems to intensify when I think of you. At times, Aisa lagta hai ki I am romancing pain. Is this me? Don’t I deserve happiness? The truth is that I love you so much.
Juda hoke bhi,
Tu mujhe mein kahin baaki hai
Palkon mein banke aason
Tu chali aati hai
Juda hoke bhi
According to my therapist, you are a lesson of my life. Why does a person have to teach you a lesson? Why can’t it be an instance? Why does it have to have so much pain and longing? I am tired of the whys and how’s and when’s and where’s. I am so done. The only thing I am not done is with you.
Saath mere hai tu har pal
Shabh ke andhere mein
Paas mere hai tu har dum
Ujle sawere mein
Dil se dhadkan bhula dena aasan nahin hai
Ab toh aadat si hai mujhko aise jeenein mein
Though evenings make me miss you tenfold, throughout the day your thoughts and our memories haunt me. They don’t haunt me but, they stay with me for a brief moment until I get myself back to work or studies. Sometimes, I imagine you in someone else’s arms to force myself into not thinking about you. Were you ever mine?
Juda hoke bhi,
Tu mujhe mein kahin baaki hai
Palkon mein banke aason
Tu chali aati hai
You are the most beautiful thing that happened to me in my life so far. I despite the hurt and disappointment, I have failed to hate you or even cut you out of my life. This trait of mine makes me resent myself. But then this love, isn’t it?
Yeh jo yaadein hain, yeh jo yaadein hain
Sabhi katein hain, Sabhi katein hain
Katado Inhe, (Katado Inhe,) katado Inhe
Ab toh aadat si hai mujhko
The memories bring back, memories bring back….you. I want to set myself free from you and these memories. I don’t even know if you even think of me the way I do if I even matter to you anymore. Is the pain like my love, also one-sided? The only thing I learned is the fact that forcing you out of mind and life isn’t the right way. I will and shall let you have a place in my heart. Until then, I’ll get used to you, and eventually, you will be history.
But, hey, if you are reading this, I hug you.
Aadat — Reminiscing Melodies by Aarya Morwal.
