7 mistakes and lessons from my first heartbreak
As I sit to write about this, I am experiencing a sense of calm within me. Thoughts aren’t flooding my mind. I am still. My heart isn’t pumping blood at the highest rate, my hands aren’t sweating, and my eyes aren’t watery. And I feel grateful, humble, and at peace with myself.
I described my state of mind simply because:
- I was unable to commence writing.
- I didn’t know how this writeup would come along.
- I wanted to express what I felt on paper/screen.
I took a lot of time to get over my heartbreak. Annndd, now that I am in a good place, these are some mistakes and learnings from the whole phase.
Mistake 1: Lived in denial.
For the longest time, I refused to accept it. In front of the world, I pretended to have accepted the situation, but I hadn’t. This is what majorly got me all the mental struggle.
Learning: Acceptance is key.
There is no running from the truth. If it has ended (anything for that matter), don’t deny it. Accept that it has and try to be at peace with it.
Mistake 2: Kept talking to him.
Kept going back to him for solace, to get back together, to be friends, or to apologize. It made things worse, honestly. Also made it difficult for the other person to move on. Here I was solely at fault. I was the toxic one.
Learning: Give yourself (& him/her) space.
Clinging onto him/her, asking for clarifications, seeking closure, breakup sex — will get you nowhere. The call has been taken; the decision has been made. Accept it. Respect it. Let yourself and him/her be.
Mistake 3: Blamed me (and him.)
I thought I wasn’t enough; my love wasn’t enough. I kept blaming myself for not doing the right thing, being the right person, and for umpteen other things. Also, I succeeded in playing the blame game and bashed out a million times at him for not putting in their efforts to make things work.
Learning: Understand the whys and how's.
It happened for a reason. Know why. Think for yourself and write them down. Once you know why it happened, you can weigh the pros and cons better. It will help you make wise and sane decisions.
Mistake 4: Sought solutions from others.
I was searching for answers and help from every possible person and thing. Spoke to everyone — family, friends, counselors, and even teachers, lol. Though they helped, I needed them mostly to vent my emotions.
Learning: You are your best friend; Help yourself.
The bond you shared with your partner was intimate. Your equation and feelings can’t be successfully put into words and expressed. So, asking others to help you out, in this case, doesn’t make sense. You know the best way to handle the situation. Believe in yourself, give it time, analyze, and slowly, everything will make sense.
Mistake 5: Told the world about it.
I found my pain never-ending. Being an extrovert, out of pain, I would share my sadness with almost everyone and anyone. The ones who helped me out were kind and humble about it. But when I look back, I think all of it was unnecessary.
Learning: The world doesn’t care; only a few do.
People don’t give a flying fuck about what you are going through. Everyone has their shit going on. All they would be caring and could lend a listening ear but honestly, who cares? Those very few people in your inner world. So instead of telling the world this, try to keep them to yourself and your people. Or else you’ll sulk over it later.
Mistake 6: Placed him on the pedestal.
I am a giver and love overly. So, they were my family (who meant a lot to me). Even though I was in pain (and remotely because of him), I was more concerned about his well-being than mine.
Learning: Make yourself a priority before anyone else.
“God helps those who help themselves.” Be there for yourself first, and then think of caring for others. Be selfish and understand that you need yourself more than anyone else. And yes, you can live without him/her.
Mistake 7: Was overwhelmed by the situation.
I couldn’t stand the separation. All of it seemed sudden, uninvited, and daunting to me. It was because I didn’t accept the facts but also because I started losing faith in love.
Learning: Tell yourself it’s okay.
The world would seem to be falling apart. But it isn’t the scenario, actually. The ideal case would be to let the thoughts flow and not ponder them. Keep telling yourself that it’s okay and that you will soon be in a better physical, mental, and emotional state.
These were my significant learnings out of umpteen others. I am glad about the lessons the situation taught me and feel blessed to have met those wonderful souls with whom I was (still am) in love. Grateful to myself for realizing these mistakes, acknowledging them, and seeking forgiveness.
Love and light to all :)
