7 lessons from “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson
1) Know thyself, heal thyself:
Self-awareness is like an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you’re going to start crying at inappropriate times.
Who knows you the best? It’s not your partner, best friend, or parents. Its YOU. Your emotions, struggles, joy, triggers, upbringing, and sorrow are personal to you. People can help you figure out certain instances, but you need to act on them and bear the outcomes of your actions. All that is essential here is to be aware.
It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows because the more you know about yourself, the more scary or surprising it is bound to get. But the process of learning about yourself should be consistent.
2) Choose your pain wisely
What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The relevant question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The path to happiness is a path full of shit heaps and shame. You have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns all the time.
Discomfort is here to stay. If you plan on being in your shell, you will most likely get nowhere. So, accept the fact that there will be suffering, there will be struggle, and there will be pain.
You cannot determine your outcome, but you can decide the journey. Choose to work on things that you wouldn’t mind hustling for. Because in the long run, the thing you show up for each day will bear its fruits.
3) Define your key metrics and dealbreakers
Good values are a) reality-based, b) socially constructive c) immediate & controllable. Bad values are a) superstitious, b) socially destructive, and c) not immediate or controllable.
Once you have built awareness of self, define values, skills, turnoffs, and emotions you think are constructive or destructive. Do so by keeping in mind the above quote that points out the difference between good and bad values.
After this, start living by your parameters and metrics. It would not only help you better yourself but also aid you in building your social circle according to these key differentiators.
4) Don’t be special
My recommendation: don’t be special, don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself not as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, or a creator.
Keep your metrics simple. Being extravagant will lead you nowhere. Also, will create an unnecessary burden on yourself by setting high bars. First, focus on being the simplest version of what you want and then work on those traits over time by putting in consistent efforts.
5) You are never right
Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Rather we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and leave less wrong than that, and so on.
We learn, and we grow. Both learning and growing go hand in hand until our last breath. In the process, your learning has stopped if you ever feel that you have attained expertise in a particular domain. So, you’re mistaken ;)
While we might proclaim we have learned a lot, we may have yet to learn about a fraction of the things about a topic. Change your mindset and accept that life is a learning journey where we are supposed to better ourselves daily.
6) Commitment is the key to success
Freedom grants the opportunity for greater meaning, but by itself, there is nothing necessarily meaningful about it. Ultimately, the only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief, or (gulp) one person.
Today we live in a world of endless options. Life is a buffet. We are bound to need clarification on choices. Each time we pick one of the umpteen things we have alternatives to, we tend to compare, doubt, and take our shot for granted. Though this might also have advantages, the net effect is often negative.
It is, therefore, necessary to commit to one thing, make a firm & wise call and not derail from your choice no matter the consequences.
7) Be a responsible partner (romantic or otherwise)
The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship comes down to two things: 1) how well each person takes responsibility, and 2) the willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner.
The blame game gets us nowhere. While it is tough for a person to accept their shortcomings, it often becomes a win-win situation for the two involved. This helps better communication, builds trust & respect, and develops greater understanding towards the other. Another aspect is accepting a “NO” from the other and being okay with denial and rejection. Though I firmly believe that there should be utmost respect for one’s decision, communicating “why” behind the call would help the persons involved better their decisions.
That’s all from me for the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” Hoping to read more of such books and share my views on them with you all.
Have you read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” or wish to read it? I would love to know your thoughts in the comments.
Any constructive feedback is highly appreciated.
Read book review of “Eat that Frog” by Brian Tracy here.
